Tag Archives: brain surgery

Blinded By The Light

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Freezing and bright.  That is what I remember the operating room being like right before being put out for my surgery to remove my tumor.  Sort of reminiscent of an alien abduction – or what I imagine it would be like.  I’m not sure which I would prefer – the abduction or the surgery, but I do remember trying not to look around too much in fear that I would see the tools and instrumentation that would be used to rip into my skull and remove the tumor.  I was greeted by smiling faces from the doctors and neurosurgeons, giving me reassurances that all was going to be okay.  Within minutes of being there, the anesthesiologist was ready to get started and I was instructed to begin counting backwards…

“10, 9, 8” is all I can remember.  I was confident going into the operation, but I would be lying if I said I was not scared that I would not wake up, so when I opened my eyes and saw my family by the bed, it was exhilarating. Everyone can relate to that moment where they wake up from a deep sleep and you have someone talking to you, but waking up from anesthesia after nine hours of brain surgery was overwhelming.  Despite my joy that I actually woke up, it did not take me long to understand what a hurdle this was going to be.

Within a matter of a month, I had gone from taking law school final exams to trying to string together a coherent sentence in response to the hospital’s favorite question: “are you in any pain?” I felt like responding, “No, no pain at all.  I just had my head cracked open and rummaged in.  I have tubes and a catheter protruding from my head, but no, no pain.”  Normally, I would whip out this sarcastic response in a heartbeat, but even attempting to actually verbalize this response was impossible.  I remained confident and did my best to mutter something, anything.   My naming (ability to identify people and objects) was intact and my strength was average.  However, my speech was minimal and it was clear that I was suffering from hydrocephalus, also known as “water on the brain”, a condition in which the cerebrospinal fluid builds up within the ventricles.

It’s crazy – to me, everything that I said to my family and the doctors at that time made perfect sense to me, but I was later told that what I was saying was not making any sense whatsoever.  I can relate a lot to someone who suffers from locked-in-syndrome.  But I’ll save that for another day.

On the morning of July 6, 2008, four days after the tumor was removed, my father came to the hospital early in the morning to check in on me, just as he had done the previous three days.  One day earlier, the drain that was put in to drain the CSF fluid and the catheter were removed and I was progressing better than expected. The doctors were so pleased with my progress and everything was on schedule for me to go home within a day or two.  And to top things off, my uncle came to visit and brought breakfast – yes, Italian pastries.  I watched as my father and uncle devoured them.  I could only watch.

As I sat in bed reading words that I recognized in the sports section of the newspaper, things suddenly began to deteriorate.  I started having trouble conversing and began having severe headaches, nausea and vomiting, and my heart was racing as if it was going to beat out of my chest.  The room was spinning and I was sweating bullets.  I suddenly could not move the right side of my body.  Thoughts were racing through my mind at such an alarming pace that I cannot even begin to spell them out, but I knew something was drastically wrong.  I heard my father shouting for the nurses and the sound of the brain activity machine was beeping manically.  Within a span of a few minutes, I had lost all of my motors skills and was manifesting the symptoms of a stroke.

At this point, my mom had arrived at the hospital along with my sister and brother.  I saw everyone crying and yelling as I lay in the bed with my body seizing and unable to communicate or express myself in any meaningful way to let them know I would be okay.  I had only wished I had a way to tell them not to worry, even if I did not believe that myself.

As I was wheeled out of my hospital room, my brother and sister said their goodbyes to me because they were afraid they would never see me again.  Both my mom and dad were running down the hall next to my bed as I was wheeled into the OR.  Just as we parted ways, my mom gave me a kiss and told me she loved me and my father took my hand, squeezed it and asked me to squeeze his hand if I understood.  Pathetically, I squeezed his hand and it was at that moment that we all knew I was going to make it out of this procedure and live to tell this story.

Send In The Clowns

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Any one who has gone through an emergency procedure knows the whirlwind it becomes.  Upon hearing the information I had long suspected I would hear, I was immediately rushed to Yale-New Haven Hospital where Dr. Joseph Piepmeier, head of Neuro-oncology, and his staff would be waiting.   Once I arrived, life was moving at an alarmingly fast pace.  There were questionnaires to fill out, identification bracelets to put on and doctors coming in and out of the examination room.

As Yale-New Haven is a teaching hospital, there were many graduate students that came into the room at the direction of the neurosurgeons and each asked the same questions over and over and over.  My favorite one of all was “What kind of pain are you in?  Any headaches?”  Seriously?!?  I first hoped that maybe this was all a bad dream and I was merely guest starring in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.  Once that hopeful thought fled, I felt like replying, “no, I’m here because I like the hospital food.”  Once that barrage was over, in comes Dr. Piepmeier.  He was followed into the room by his chief resident, fellow neurosurgeons and the clinical care coordinator.  There was something about Dr. Piepmeier that calmed me – he had this glow to him, almost as if the moment I saw him I’d knew he would be able to help me.

I was then briefed on the situation – I had a tumor sitting in the ventricular system that displaced the septum pellucidum.  The procedure was described to me and I was told where the incision would be made.  Now, I’m a fairly bright kid.  I graduated UConn cum laude and had one year of law school under my belt so, I had heard my fair share of crazy latin terms.  But “ventricular system”, “cortical incision” and septum pellucidum?  He looked at me and said “any questions so far?”  I shook my head no, but if I were really on top of my game, I probably should have said “yes, do you have a medical dictionary?”  Between all the doctors in and out, the questions and medical jargon, I felt like I was at the circus – not quite Barnum & Bailey’s though – more like a creepy, frightening Cirque de Soleil.

I was then informed that emergency surgery was scheduled the next morning and it was my doctor’s hope that the entire tumor could be removed.  I signed the consent…as if I had any other option…and with that, a few questions were asked and the doctor was on his way and told me he’d see me in the morning.

Stunned and scared, I did not know what to do or what to say.  Shortly after, a nun from the hospital Chapel came into my room and asked whether she could pray with my family and I.  This is the moment that “it” all became very real to me and I knew that I needed God in this time of trouble.  I cannot even describe the thoughts that were going through my head at the time because I honestly do not even remember.  I was in such shock that this was happening to me.  The only question I remember asking the nun and my parents was “why me?” and nobody had the answer.