In the past week, I’ve done some thinking.  Okay, that’s a lie – I’ve done a lot of thinking.  Mostly about that bright spot on my MRI and what it could possibly mean.  Is it tumor activity or is it radiation necrosis?  Only time will tell so until December, I must let it go and move forward with my life.

And as I move forward and try to put my ordeal in my past, I have become involved with the Connecticut Brain Tumor Alliance (CTBTA).  As you saw in my last post (The Path of Hope), I am now a part of the CTBTA.  This past year, I reached out to the organization because I wanted to help, wanted to share my story and do what I can to better the lives of those who are suffering today.   A brain tumor can be debilitating but nobody should have to suffer through the ups and downs alone.  What’s more is that with the collective efforts of enough people passionate for this cause, together we join forces to raise awareness and to find the cure.

Sure, I went to law school and earned my law degree.  But my battle with my brain tumor has left me unable to pass the bar exam and for reasons that I previously discussed and now dealing with the bright spot in my brain, I would not even contemplate trying again.  More importantly though, working within the brain tumor community to provide support and provide fundraising efforts to finding the cure is my passion.  As a result, the sting of defeat four years after graduating and still being unable to practice law has been tamed and honestly, I am okay with how my cards have been dealt.

I am constantly being told that I am always smiling, always pleasant.  Even on those days where everything goes wrong and I just want to scream, I take a step back and reflect on how fortunate I am.  When you go through a life event such as what I went through, or any person with a life-threatening illness for that matter goes through, you realize how great life truly is.  For me, I realized this years ago and finally chose the CTBTA as the organization that I would involve myself with to share my life experiences and enjoy the same semblance of happiness with fellow brain tumor survivors.

Not only did the diagnosis scare me.  It also made me more aware of life and how we should live.  It made me smarter.  It made me brighter. Literally and physically.